The him really a bad guY?

Its a long time i never update new story. But today i just feel to write something here and share with my heaven postman. This time, the story is about one girl and the past with a bad guy or not. The story start here: I just wondering what happend to my life that i good enough to be someone perfect partner or not. In my life, i really face another part. The day i decide to care one guy and to understand everything and make it the last of my hurting heart why its end like a shit to me. I dunno why its easy to me to falling with someone but one i sure, i feel to love him because what i feel from him and what feedback he give to me too. I not doing it alone, but one the day i be sincere and become a good girl to him, ican see how much he become different person and other also whispering to me "that guy so weird and why now he just let u know that he have some more perfect and he will married? ". That guy just try using me from money until he needs. Im just like he bank, but when we argue, he really leave me without any apologies, on that time i also the one will begging to him dont leave me, is better i stay to u as your friend or something thah u just need to fulfill your life. I know im just become more obident to him when i scared to let it go in my life i even run to him without i know, using myself to cover he mistake, and accept any mistake he create and sometime cover him well for everything. He can hurt me physicaly and inside me well and sometime something that danger in mylife is just nothing just to see him and make he mine. I become crazy to him not because i start but he start it but maybe he just fun to miserable mylife like this, tears is nothing to he. But i just love him alot, i still give my hand on the time he just say need help. Because of him, i didnt realize how much i hurt other even my bestfriend but i relief when i know my bff not hate me but understand me well. Cry not solved everything. I try to attract attention from him even i go to the place he live and i just leave my family because to get close him. But again nothing, he make me nothing. Sometime my mind become weak and i say to end my life but i didnt do cus i saw my bff face and advice. That what i dream before that have bad guy in mylife as a my partner but its just make more worse and make me hate everything.... Even how i never want remind him as a bad guy, i still cant say he bad guy. Now when someone come to me and try to become my best partner and trying hard to not become like my bad guy,i still feel not confident. Even i let he know my bad guy and sometime that bad guy contact me and make me feel to grab him again, he just can stand with me well. Even i hurting he like i bad gurl to him why he smile and make me timid. Dear all, i just still hoping my bad guy will come to me... But i might hurting other and i might become like him one day right? I just want eveeything become more fine now, even wish to lost my memory is a something good now. Tell me if i also a bad person or i just need to be more fine with new life story. -end my story- Umm.. That i share to u my heaven postman, yup hard to forget the love u bad what i can say if that love just make u become like crazy and keep hurting better try new medication to make u feel new life. I understand how worse and how misrable your life but that u know, the warmest u have never make u regret later, but never to hurting the warmest u have now... Love is so many type never make a good story,but the good story will come later ok. Tq to share it, hope u will fine and make a new life better ok. Heaven postman,the bad person will got punishment or not? I hope not, and i want see the smile for everyone again.

Come aNd gO agaiN

sometimes other dun know and doing something without them know its well, i have some story to share. i'm sorry that i always to let my postmen heaven to heard some story here. so i will share it..... this story about one girl that keep break one heart. that girl didn't meant to being rude to that person, but that the way she could doing to prevent everything become more worse. how much that person keep fix and doing something to not hurting that girl and to make that girl understand everything well, that girl just push it away. how much cruel that girl doing to that person, that person just never stop everything. the last promise that could make that girl relief for a while that person also granted it, but that girl still feel everything become more worse that before now. how far that girl go to avoiding that person, is nothing. that person keep coming and waiting for that girl. that girl know when one person never give up like that, she could be nice to that person, but the feeling of afraid to that person more high than should act nice now. meet that person now since that girl ask that person to go first it's same like that girl meet something dangerous in her life. to protect other, that girl walling to do anything to that person just for a while. that girl dunno why nothing between them to star everything. act cool and fine, make that girl feel more nervous. why when that girl meet that person now, that girl just though "could i end everything quickly now? can u say something? can u stop starring at me like that? why i feel like this person not u anymore?". How much that girl talk in her heart, that girl couldn't say it loudly now. that sorrow in that person eyes totally make that girl feel little bit worse. when between of them just keep silent like that, that person start to make the awkward situation to be more friendly. "are u sick? why u just change now? it's same like i meet other person now? u grow well now...are u still afraid meet me?". how much that person ask,nothing to reply it back, just one expression that girl give to that person that she also long time not meet. that person never give up to make that girl open her mouth. "u can act what u want,but i totally hope u can give me some time....can u listen and smile to me? no one remember my birthday,even u told me u dun remember it too, i can see u lie to me again....u can lie as much u want....i just want a while with u something i can end it....". that girl just dunno to answer it,just one word that girl say. "do u think i will be same like u can do it before? i come becoz i dun wan u be crazy and touch my new person in my life...". That girl just can say it bravely. small smile at that person face that girl can see it, suddenly that person hand also try to pet that girl head, but one step behind that girl open to avoiding it. "again u become like this to me....but i will not mad about this...that u found some that make u happy like u say? it's hard for u right? u always act like kid when face with love and at the same time u want hold it tightly again, that u cry at night when u fail it? that u run away again when u can't handle it? that u hurt yourself becoz u can't feel pain it well? and the most important that u skip meal again when u can't handle everything?". That girl can't deny it that person just know her well like this. "that i'm so easy to u like this? that u test me? or that u just curse me?....i know u has told me that i could found someone i love coz i keep hurting u like this....how much u want me to struggle like u, i still can go on with my life again....i still have my prenz that i can laugh and play to forget everything....especially someone like u!". that person just same take that girl word like nothing. "i never trying to look down with your love,but i always worry to u when this happens....someone told me u just can cry and act like kid again when u really down....do u know,the way u act when u down, just same like what i face to handle u....but when i on that moment,i still remember your words to me....u told me to stop act like kid and stop to make u and other worries,u also ask me to stay at my bed and listen to u well....but u,u can't do that right? i'm also on that moment...even i'm is man,but it's really hurt...sometimes i can't breath properly coz of that...". that girl just start annoy with each words come from that person. "hey,that u come here and ask me to meet u just to say this? even u heard how much hard i face with my own matters,that nothing to u...i will handle it well!now i just want to know what u urgently ask me to meet u and make me like crazy to come meet u and stand in front of u like this?" dunno what make that person just suddenly put smiled at he face and suddenly make he act like he really happy. that person just grab that girl hand and ask that girl follow every step he go now. on that moment that girl just be nice and never trying to make everything more worse. that person bring that girl to eat something but again that girl refuse hardly towards that person. every time that girl refuse that girl really trying hard hold he anger a lot. what that girl doing same make everything look more pity to that person now.when it comes to end, that person trying to make everything more good memory. "can u take care my last gift? even u cant keep it, could u let it fine...i know u will not keep it like i want...but just dun throw it....make my gift fine...this thing just like u...even u will not look at my gift....its ok bcoz u not a so cruel girl i know...and my last request, can i sent u to the your way?" that girl accept the gift but to sent her, that girl can't give permission. "im sorry,i couldn't allow u do that...i dun want to sit in one place with u...i dun have courage to let u do that to me...the moment u ask me like that before,i just bring me somewhere i can't run...u hold me like criminal...even u never touch me...the way u do it to me still fresh...". that person expression just change,its same like he can't hold he anger...that person just grab that girl hand hardly and look at that girl like he will do a same. on that moment, that girl just can defend her self and again that person hurting that girl. "im sorry i didn't meant to hurt u...i dunno u still remember it...u still afraid it....im sorry..." that girl feel worse coz of that and just go while that girl still feel hurt with what that person doing before. when that girl confidently that she already far from that person, secretly that girl look at back,but that person not longer there,that person disappear well. dunno what feeling should that girl give,but the truth what feeling that girl still feel,is afraid of that person. nothing good memory that could make that girl fine towards that person now. if that really the end,maybe it's good for everything. since that day,that girl should feel fine and relief,but again that girl just become the place that everyone ask that person alot. make that girl little bit worry that the way that person revenge to that girl. and suddenly one call come to ear that girl,just a voice of someone mad and sad in same time. that person just make he life messy and make that girl feel totally blame. that person involved an accident again, this time same more serious than before. why that person make it again and revenge that girl like this. other blame that girl well, but that girl keep strong and just trying hard to find something that could make her feel the blame. find something to make that girl cry and lost her mind for a while its a best way now. that girl ask her self again and again,that she should care or ignore it. that girl is a weak person like usually. give some words to that person again and ask him to doing something that will make both if them life in the fine way. agree to do that....and that person still trying hard to make it better. "dear u,i just arrange my life like this coz that u want it...u a strong girl like usually,u also cry for me even not your mistake....i dunno if u still worries with my words to u,i also hope u face the same i face with u now....i can't see u find a happiness way like me...let's we ruin our life together...that i really want u face....i really can't act nice to wish a nice thing to u...from i know u still struggle to face real love....that my wish just granted again? even u hurt worse i hope u just comfort it alone i dun want anyone lend shoulder to u than me....can u do that? can?" dunno what that person really want,but that girl should face her own way as she can now. should it the end for that girl??? its hard to predict...but i hope it's really end.

The Story tHat SouLd End

to my heaven postmen, i thought that story alrdy end but actly not.... that stupid guy again calling that girl....even that stupid guy can speak well when he heard that girl voice...that girl know evrythg. the happy day for that stupid guy alrdy near, but why that stupid guy calling that girl and just with small talk that girl just trying hard to make evrthg find to that stupid guy. act nothing that's what that girl can do it when it's about that stupid guy again. wish him and talk nicely....that girl do it well. dunno if that stupid guy crying or just listen now.....that girl nearly drop her tears.... " why that stupid guy just silent and never put he temper towards me like usually????" that's what that girl could whispering in her heart. that girl know that stupid guy just bleeding alot coz of her....but the last promise both of them made will never could broke anymore....if that happend that stupid guy will regret it again. even the way that girl act now really make that stupid guy feel worse but that stupid guy just become someone obedient when it's about that girl again..... the conversation btw them just end with 'um' with both.... heaven postmen that story really end?

WhalE bacK to the An OceaN

i dunno y lately just become more worse for me.i can't handle everything now. to become strong person, really hard. i trying hold in all thing....but i lost it one by one. the most thing i lost is love. the person which always make me to care him and the person who always make my heartbeat fast just not anymore i could handle it while i trying protect my friendship. i could't cry as i can anymore now. if i know i just lost both of them, i will not trying hard like this. i though while i protect my friendship, that person will give me a chance to waiting but it's not like that anymore. now dunno who i can blame....dunno who i begging for....and dunno i could hold anymore..... i just back to basic again......it's same like i just got bump with something in ma head and i lost ma memory. tears also cant solve everything now....i become like a insane but i cant. smile....it's a fake smiling to other now. nothing going right anymore.....but i just still can hold with what still leave with ma heart....give up.....i dunno....really dunno....it's also same like a whale which back to the an ocean after a long journey in beach....dun ask me to cry to decrease ma burden now....dun also ask me to lend on anyone....i can't....it's really hurting like i'm dead but still wander around...just kill me directly...dun use poison like this,cause it's make me suffering alot!!

I miSS u sO i CrY

u're in ma heart, if u call me, i would run 2 u again.that's why it's hurt me more like this. your heart already erased and threw me away. though i push u out but i pull u back again. i also though i shove u out but actually u already in ma life. all day i just though of u but tears fall again. i really can't stand it for a moment so tears just fallen again. i miss u again today so that's why i just could cry again. i don't think i can ever do it, having to empty all of u out from me. in this moment i really can't understand why myself being like this and u just is a who sharply pokes me. why become someone like this at my life????? how much more do i have to withstand for u to come? how much more does it have to hurt to forget u?. i didn't know that u know that how much i really want hear something from u, there's really something i want hear from u, but i can't. just once, really just once i hope u will look at me again and listen 2 me. i really miss u and love u as someone make me fine and smile.