The him really a bad guY?

Its a long time i never update new story. But today i just feel to write something here and share with my heaven postman. This time, the story is about one girl and the past with a bad guy or not. The story start here: I just wondering what happend to my life that i good enough to be someone perfect partner or not. In my life, i really face another part. The day i decide to care one guy and to understand everything and make it the last of my hurting heart why its end like a shit to me. I dunno why its easy to me to falling with someone but one i sure, i feel to love him because what i feel from him and what feedback he give to me too. I not doing it alone, but one the day i be sincere and become a good girl to him, ican see how much he become different person and other also whispering to me "that guy so weird and why now he just let u know that he have some more perfect and he will married? ". That guy just try using me from money until he needs. Im just like he bank, but when we argue, he really leave me without any apologies, on that time i also the one will begging to him dont leave me, is better i stay to u as your friend or something thah u just need to fulfill your life. I know im just become more obident to him when i scared to let it go in my life i even run to him without i know, using myself to cover he mistake, and accept any mistake he create and sometime cover him well for everything. He can hurt me physicaly and inside me well and sometime something that danger in mylife is just nothing just to see him and make he mine. I become crazy to him not because i start but he start it but maybe he just fun to miserable mylife like this, tears is nothing to he. But i just love him alot, i still give my hand on the time he just say need help. Because of him, i didnt realize how much i hurt other even my bestfriend but i relief when i know my bff not hate me but understand me well. Cry not solved everything. I try to attract attention from him even i go to the place he live and i just leave my family because to get close him. But again nothing, he make me nothing. Sometime my mind become weak and i say to end my life but i didnt do cus i saw my bff face and advice. That what i dream before that have bad guy in mylife as a my partner but its just make more worse and make me hate everything.... Even how i never want remind him as a bad guy, i still cant say he bad guy. Now when someone come to me and try to become my best partner and trying hard to not become like my bad guy,i still feel not confident. Even i let he know my bad guy and sometime that bad guy contact me and make me feel to grab him again, he just can stand with me well. Even i hurting he like i bad gurl to him why he smile and make me timid. Dear all, i just still hoping my bad guy will come to me... But i might hurting other and i might become like him one day right? I just want eveeything become more fine now, even wish to lost my memory is a something good now. Tell me if i also a bad person or i just need to be more fine with new life story. -end my story- Umm.. That i share to u my heaven postman, yup hard to forget the love u bad what i can say if that love just make u become like crazy and keep hurting better try new medication to make u feel new life. I understand how worse and how misrable your life but that u know, the warmest u have never make u regret later, but never to hurting the warmest u have now... Love is so many type never make a good story,but the good story will come later ok. Tq to share it, hope u will fine and make a new life better ok. Heaven postman,the bad person will got punishment or not? I hope not, and i want see the smile for everyone again.

Come aNd gO agaiN

sometimes other dun know and doing something without them know its well, i have some story to share. i'm sorry that i always to let my postmen heaven to heard some story here. so i will share it..... this story about one girl that keep break one heart. that girl didn't meant to being rude to that person, but that the way she could doing to prevent everything become more worse. how much that person keep fix and doing something to not hurting that girl and to make that girl understand everything well, that girl just push it away. how much cruel that girl doing to that person, that person just never stop everything. the last promise that could make that girl relief for a while that person also granted it, but that girl still feel everything become more worse that before now. how far that girl go to avoiding that person, is nothing. that person keep coming and waiting for that girl. that girl know when one person never give up like that, she could be nice to that person, but the feeling of afraid to that person more high than should act nice now. meet that person now since that girl ask that person to go first it's same like that girl meet something dangerous in her life. to protect other, that girl walling to do anything to that person just for a while. that girl dunno why nothing between them to star everything. act cool and fine, make that girl feel more nervous. why when that girl meet that person now, that girl just though "could i end everything quickly now? can u say something? can u stop starring at me like that? why i feel like this person not u anymore?". How much that girl talk in her heart, that girl couldn't say it loudly now. that sorrow in that person eyes totally make that girl feel little bit worse. when between of them just keep silent like that, that person start to make the awkward situation to be more friendly. "are u sick? why u just change now? it's same like i meet other person now? u grow well now...are u still afraid meet me?". how much that person ask,nothing to reply it back, just one expression that girl give to that person that she also long time not meet. that person never give up to make that girl open her mouth. "u can act what u want,but i totally hope u can give me some time....can u listen and smile to me? no one remember my birthday,even u told me u dun remember it too, i can see u lie to me again....u can lie as much u want....i just want a while with u something i can end it....". that girl just dunno to answer it,just one word that girl say. "do u think i will be same like u can do it before? i come becoz i dun wan u be crazy and touch my new person in my life...". That girl just can say it bravely. small smile at that person face that girl can see it, suddenly that person hand also try to pet that girl head, but one step behind that girl open to avoiding it. "again u become like this to me....but i will not mad about this...that u found some that make u happy like u say? it's hard for u right? u always act like kid when face with love and at the same time u want hold it tightly again, that u cry at night when u fail it? that u run away again when u can't handle it? that u hurt yourself becoz u can't feel pain it well? and the most important that u skip meal again when u can't handle everything?". That girl can't deny it that person just know her well like this. "that i'm so easy to u like this? that u test me? or that u just curse me?....i know u has told me that i could found someone i love coz i keep hurting u like this....how much u want me to struggle like u, i still can go on with my life again....i still have my prenz that i can laugh and play to forget everything....especially someone like u!". that person just same take that girl word like nothing. "i never trying to look down with your love,but i always worry to u when this happens....someone told me u just can cry and act like kid again when u really down....do u know,the way u act when u down, just same like what i face to handle u....but when i on that moment,i still remember your words to me....u told me to stop act like kid and stop to make u and other worries,u also ask me to stay at my bed and listen to u well....but u,u can't do that right? i'm also on that moment...even i'm is man,but it's really hurt...sometimes i can't breath properly coz of that...". that girl just start annoy with each words come from that person. "hey,that u come here and ask me to meet u just to say this? even u heard how much hard i face with my own matters,that nothing to u...i will handle it well!now i just want to know what u urgently ask me to meet u and make me like crazy to come meet u and stand in front of u like this?" dunno what make that person just suddenly put smiled at he face and suddenly make he act like he really happy. that person just grab that girl hand and ask that girl follow every step he go now. on that moment that girl just be nice and never trying to make everything more worse. that person bring that girl to eat something but again that girl refuse hardly towards that person. every time that girl refuse that girl really trying hard hold he anger a lot. what that girl doing same make everything look more pity to that person now.when it comes to end, that person trying to make everything more good memory. "can u take care my last gift? even u cant keep it, could u let it fine...i know u will not keep it like i want...but just dun throw it....make my gift fine...this thing just like u...even u will not look at my gift....its ok bcoz u not a so cruel girl i know...and my last request, can i sent u to the your way?" that girl accept the gift but to sent her, that girl can't give permission. "im sorry,i couldn't allow u do that...i dun want to sit in one place with u...i dun have courage to let u do that to me...the moment u ask me like that before,i just bring me somewhere i can't run...u hold me like criminal...even u never touch me...the way u do it to me still fresh...". that person expression just change,its same like he can't hold he anger...that person just grab that girl hand hardly and look at that girl like he will do a same. on that moment, that girl just can defend her self and again that person hurting that girl. "im sorry i didn't meant to hurt u...i dunno u still remember it...u still afraid it....im sorry..." that girl feel worse coz of that and just go while that girl still feel hurt with what that person doing before. when that girl confidently that she already far from that person, secretly that girl look at back,but that person not longer there,that person disappear well. dunno what feeling should that girl give,but the truth what feeling that girl still feel,is afraid of that person. nothing good memory that could make that girl fine towards that person now. if that really the end,maybe it's good for everything. since that day,that girl should feel fine and relief,but again that girl just become the place that everyone ask that person alot. make that girl little bit worry that the way that person revenge to that girl. and suddenly one call come to ear that girl,just a voice of someone mad and sad in same time. that person just make he life messy and make that girl feel totally blame. that person involved an accident again, this time same more serious than before. why that person make it again and revenge that girl like this. other blame that girl well, but that girl keep strong and just trying hard to find something that could make her feel the blame. find something to make that girl cry and lost her mind for a while its a best way now. that girl ask her self again and again,that she should care or ignore it. that girl is a weak person like usually. give some words to that person again and ask him to doing something that will make both if them life in the fine way. agree to do that....and that person still trying hard to make it better. "dear u,i just arrange my life like this coz that u want it...u a strong girl like usually,u also cry for me even not your mistake....i dunno if u still worries with my words to u,i also hope u face the same i face with u now....i can't see u find a happiness way like me...let's we ruin our life together...that i really want u face....i really can't act nice to wish a nice thing to u...from i know u still struggle to face real love....that my wish just granted again? even u hurt worse i hope u just comfort it alone i dun want anyone lend shoulder to u than me....can u do that? can?" dunno what that person really want,but that girl should face her own way as she can now. should it the end for that girl??? its hard to predict...but i hope it's really end.

The Story tHat SouLd End

to my heaven postmen, i thought that story alrdy end but actly not.... that stupid guy again calling that girl....even that stupid guy can speak well when he heard that girl voice...that girl know evrythg. the happy day for that stupid guy alrdy near, but why that stupid guy calling that girl and just with small talk that girl just trying hard to make evrthg find to that stupid guy. act nothing that's what that girl can do it when it's about that stupid guy again. wish him and talk nicely....that girl do it well. dunno if that stupid guy crying or just listen now.....that girl nearly drop her tears.... " why that stupid guy just silent and never put he temper towards me like usually????" that's what that girl could whispering in her heart. that girl know that stupid guy just bleeding alot coz of her....but the last promise both of them made will never could broke anymore....if that happend that stupid guy will regret it again. even the way that girl act now really make that stupid guy feel worse but that stupid guy just become someone obedient when it's about that girl again..... the conversation btw them just end with 'um' with both.... heaven postmen that story really end?

WhalE bacK to the An OceaN

i dunno y lately just become more worse for me.i can't handle everything now. to become strong person, really hard. i trying hold in all thing....but i lost it one by one. the most thing i lost is love. the person which always make me to care him and the person who always make my heartbeat fast just not anymore i could handle it while i trying protect my friendship. i could't cry as i can anymore now. if i know i just lost both of them, i will not trying hard like this. i though while i protect my friendship, that person will give me a chance to waiting but it's not like that anymore. now dunno who i can blame....dunno who i begging for....and dunno i could hold anymore..... i just back to basic again......it's same like i just got bump with something in ma head and i lost ma memory. tears also cant solve everything now....i become like a insane but i cant. smile....it's a fake smiling to other now. nothing going right anymore.....but i just still can hold with what still leave with ma heart....give up.....i dunno....really dunno....it's also same like a whale which back to the an ocean after a long journey in beach....dun ask me to cry to decrease ma burden now....dun also ask me to lend on anyone....i can't....it's really hurting like i'm dead but still wander around...just kill me directly...dun use poison like this,cause it's make me suffering alot!!

I miSS u sO i CrY

u're in ma heart, if u call me, i would run 2 u again.that's why it's hurt me more like this. your heart already erased and threw me away. though i push u out but i pull u back again. i also though i shove u out but actually u already in ma life. all day i just though of u but tears fall again. i really can't stand it for a moment so tears just fallen again. i miss u again today so that's why i just could cry again. i don't think i can ever do it, having to empty all of u out from me. in this moment i really can't understand why myself being like this and u just is a who sharply pokes me. why become someone like this at my life????? how much more do i have to withstand for u to come? how much more does it have to hurt to forget u?. i didn't know that u know that how much i really want hear something from u, there's really something i want hear from u, but i can't. just once, really just once i hope u will look at me again and listen 2 me. i really miss u and love u as someone make me fine and smile.

HurTinG me

i wan say gud bye 2 u my dearest buddy. i scared 2 face a painess anymore. even i say the paines for a thousand time, u will not feel it. u must found new happiness there. congratulation, finally u found the person could make your heartbeat fast right? i really wan wish it by my mouth , but i could now. see u like this, i'm really fine now. have a wonderful life my buddy. i dunno why i remove u from ma friend list at my FB, i'm so sorry. i hope u notice it and i hope i can fix ma trust and ma friendship with u again. why i doing this??? i hate maself alot!!! i just become more envy person looking how well yor life since we didn't get closed anymore, and i being someone more cruel 2 other sometime. so please stopping me!!! it's hurting me alot... gud byeee~ dun give any excuse if u forget something about me anymore, i'm will trying 2 understand everything. i will...

The StuPid ThinGS

sigh, sigh and sigh!! sometime people can be so stupid right? like i say befor, i could understand myself. the day i told that person to make someone else happy, i really can't do it. on that moment 2, i really understand the real painess even i has done something like that before. tears just make me more sad, also look at that person pic. my heart so hard before, but i dunno how easy my tears waste for that person. i trying to ignore what that person doing and also trying to forget memory i have with that person. WOW!! because of this, i just fallen in sick (2 day got fever and 1 night my heart feel so pain until i cannot sleep). i thought i already let everything go, but i dunno in my happiness the face and the way that person treat me just pop-up in my mind. that person know how much worse i treat that person and how much i hurting that person, but i really can't found anyone like that person anymore. i just control myself as i can when i with other. i'm also a bad person cause i didn't trying feel something like that to other closed person, which also become the first person glow my life before that person. i konw i doing a mistake here, but im really sorry i cannot hold the painess. after i feel like i should settle everything well, that person really far from me now. i dun care if someone call me stalker, but i just care when i see u didn't doing something so hard like me. your happy face, your thought and the way u talking about something. did u know, i just don't dare to doing anything like update my status in my mini homepage? i really worry if i hurting u again there. i scared since i didn't has a time to met and stay with u like 3 years we spent. i scared 2 forget important day of u 2, but i know that person just far and far again. i didn't hope something from u on my important day, but little bit in my heart, i just search u 2 hear something. see, i just regret everthing alot now. i hope my cool hard just back like before, i hope i could forget everything now. sometime i also thought, if i have a super power, i wan destroy u by my hand! and wen i see u destroy, i can disappear with wind. aish!!! i wan have some super power which i could ride out of u from my life now!! i dun wan be like now!!! #HATE #HATE MYSELF

Im sorry about that

I really dunno about that, if i know I will never trying to fix anything with u anymore. How could u just being silent and let other hate u because of me?. If I know it from the start I really stop everything. What your friend saying is right 2, their the first person meet u and sharing your feeling as gud buddy in your life and that’s why I never trying 2 hate other person who come in your life first or last one. I’m also will meet other person and keep all my buddy in my heart. I can see what your friend trying 2 say and deliver. U should stop talking about me in front of them if u know their didn’t like u doing that, it’s really ok for me. The day I separated with u I can’t deny that I crying hard and told my other buddy about u as I can. For the first time their heard about that from me and I never call their name just u, I know that I already hurting them who come to me first and I quickly make their understand and I promise 2 bring u 2 them, and I grant it 2 them. Since that day, their just understand everything about our relationship and also advice me about what I doing 2 u before. On that time I was crying again in front of them. I meet variety type of friend and at a same time I always care about ma buddy feeling without thought about other around ma buddy, I really wan protect ma buddy but I can’t now. I really can’t fight about other who come to one of ma buddy first, and ma buddy just could treat them as usually their do 2, please dun hurting them at least their already hurting u first with some nonsense reason. In ma case now, I really dun wan make u look stupid in front other who come first it’s ok if u look at me like that but not ma buddy please…..before maybe I will stand for something like this but now I will not doing that again, just let me be a gud person now. In this case 2, yup I will let u go well and dun look at me with some reason that make me believed everything again. Just go 2 the first person which make u happy and make u life colorful. U has such a nice old story than me….if their say their dun like me just comfort them and forget about me. I believed u can do it, it’s ok for me now.

Since U ma Buddy~~~~

In my life I have 2 thing I really trying to protect until I death. Even I know i not a perfect person to hold the 2 thing but I still hard doing this. Since I’m kind a person really hard to show ma love and care well to other, I just keep it and show it in different way to other. Sometime I’m also look at what kind a person I face and what kind of communication I will use to that person 2. I can’t deny it that everything in ma life is about ma best buddy only, everything I doing and care just them, also when I have big secret I just could share with ma buddy. How bad I am coz couldn’t share everything with ma family member as well as I do it with ma buddy. I dunno how much I hurting ma family just to go to ma buddy and make all ma buddy happy. The moment with ma buddy really a best moment I have, I can share everything with them and all the problem they have 2, I dun care if ma buddy didn’t care or listen to me as well i do to them, as long as I still make them smile. Yup, I scared if one day I lost them and they leave me. Even I scared about that and trying to avoiding that from happened, I really can’t do anything now. Ma buddy is a human so they have a feeling and desired to do anything about their life. I can’t begging or force them just 2 back and looking at me now. Now one by one ma buddy just got happiness from their family. I also see all pic and their mini homepage, just a pic of all ma buddy and their family. On this moment how can I disturb and stop them? Looking at them back to their family, I realized it that I should back to my family 2 right? but since I just comfortable doing anything with ma buddy, it’s become so awkward for me to doing anything like ma buddy doing with their family easily. I dunno how to start talking about anything like I doing to ma buddy. Sometime I have thinking, why ma buddy betray me, before their also say that their have something that their can’t doing with their family comfortably like with me, the day I trying to share that feeling and heard everything with them, just vanish and now just leave me alone here. I know I couldn’t feel bad about that and I believed that everyone have own opinion and own desired to achieved in their life, so I shouldn’t being stupid to feel worse about that. I pray for ma buddy happiness and I also hope I will become easily feel comfortable with ma family one day. I can wish ma buddy happiness, but I know it’s hard for me actually . I dunno while I writing this I dropping ma tears, I dunno ma tears falling for what now. Even how, if I also silent here I really dun wan disturb ma buddy happiness and busy world, and if one day I just listen 2 one person, I didn’t meant to forget or didn’t care all ma buddy, coz once all ma buddy in ma heart it’s really hard for me to erase u all so please dun say that I forget and hate u anymore. Ma buddy, please asking me if u really mad about ma behavior if one day u heard me just say only one name, and that person is not u. if that happened that’s mean the person I only say have a same situation with me or the one I still comfortable to heard and listen their well actually, or maybe that person the one make me feel that I’m not a worse person in this world. About ma buddy I really meant it, in ma friendship I dun have any word to forget or throw ma buddy away easily or maybe trying to betray each of u. Each ma buddy have different personality so I just can follow each of u way and the way I treat u, It’s didn’t meant that I hate or u less person in ma heart. Nothing change when it’s about ma buddy, just the situation of us now. ‘ FRIEND IS MY MELODY IF I LOST U, MY MELODY WILL NOT PERFECT ANYMORE EVEN EVERYONE CAN HEARD THE MELODY BUT JUST ME KNOW THAT MELODY NOT PERFECT ’ *P/s- i hate when i just suddenly crying without reason!!!!!

it's Should Be The EnD

To my heaven postmen~~~ It’s same like really a long time I never sent you a new story right? How you there? That you have a good journey? I don’t think that I’m really busy to wrote something to you, but I just realized that I nearly forget that you’re there for hear any story from me right??? Umm, yup I have some new story for you my heaven postmen, this time it’s about that girl who really stupid, who just think about what that girl really forget it about. What I know, that girl just already forget about that person well now. But suddenly that girl got some news about that person, that girl just trying hard to ignore everything. Act cool and pretend nothing will effect in that girl life anymore. Day by day, that girl just acting cool, but one night while that girl looking at the night cloud which there have a small shining star, the tears from that girl eyes nearly fall. Realized it, that girl quickly be strong and looking down and walk away. That girl also know that she could lie her heart as well as she told herself that nothing affect her. Why that girl being a stupid again? Just hardly deny that nothing will affect her, but in the end she just fallen in the sadness hole again. The news about that person will engaged, that girl should be happy about it. Because finally that person could let go that girl right? . The ceremony maybe not a first time for that person, but this time that girl really can’t understand what that person trying to hiding this from her and why that person told her sister , which that girl shouldn’t know about the ceremony because that person worry to hurting that girl again. That person really doesn’t learn everything yet. Why that person should care about that girl heart anymore?. Since the day that girl heard that, that girl trying hard force herself to ignore it and don’t got involved in that person matter anymore. After a long day too, that girl starting feel weird about her heart again. Why silently that girl feel little by little the achiness inside her heart? Even that girl ignore that feeling as she can, it’s made that girl become harder to breath now. How stupid that girl, why think and take it serious again. It’s really a long time between that girl and that person didn’t contact each other, and because of that too, that girl just forget about anonymous number which up in her phone and answer it. When she does that, nothing that girl heard from the caller. In that situation, yup that girl knows who it is. Before that girl act cruel to the caller, she just heard the voice which she hopes will not heard it again. Heard that voice from the caller, that girl knows that person again hold his tears behind his nervous voice. Why that person should do that? Nothing will change that girl heart anymore. That girl already set her mind to not affect by that person anymore, also everything has been done a few years ago. Nobody will hurt anymore. Congratulation, that what that girl could saying to that person now. Even that person didn’t give any respond. From that person breath on the phone, it’s clearly that person could hold his tear anymore. So, in the end that girl quickly ends the conversation. After do that, that girl received a message from that person. ’ Why you still use this number? Did you still hoping for my call? That you missed me?’. How dare that person send massage like that to that girl? Where he got confident to write something liked that?. That girl can’t deny, that person still didn’t change his promise, but even how, for that girl, every step and movement that person choose and make will not mean anything anymore. Only one thing that girl reply to that person. ‘please don’t hoping anything, even I didn’t change my number, it’s didn’t mean that I hoping something from you bro, I found my path now, I will achieved everything now while looking at your goal and your own happiness, couldn’t you find your happiness? You didn’t the one could hurt me now. I have someone will doing that to me now. This time I didn’t lie to you too, it’s real. I worry if you spy me just I told you this, but before again you doing something I hate, I really don’t want, your past story disturb my new life, so please stay in what you doing now, just be a good person and obey to the person also be next you’ That girl, just write everything where it’s look like she really fine and like she really in the top of happiness, but what the meaning when she just fallen some tears behind the all lies she create?. That person again just didn’t saying anything again. Yes, that really the end between that girl and that person. That person seem like could understand it right. That’s what that girl wants too. Hurting, painess, tears, lies, could it end here? That girl just hoping that she will never heard about that person anymore, even she has pray for that before but this time will become the last. Just being the last one. Even that person will going nonsense again, that girl will not waver towards that person, and also nothing will made that person going childishness. That person also can think as a matured person right?. Yup, again inside that girl heart, she also the same, could avoiding the fears and worries towards that person again. That girl again just praying for the last episode her and that person again. Please just end the story between that person anymore. Sometime behind the tears, that girl just expresses a small regret. ‘Why she should meet that person before? Why she the one walling to heard that person sadness and looking his tears falling? Why she also the one give her hand to that person? And also why she the one who just following that person for satisfied his desired. Even it’s starting just for helping that person from doing a wrong thing in his life, why it’s should end and create a ridiculous story where no one will believed and want to heard it, neither it’s from that person or that girl’

It is will end here right?. That what that girl hoping again. To my heaven postmen, did you think it will end here now?. Aufff, how poor that girl. What I can say to that girl, just stopping being stupid anymore. Just stop thinking and going something more meaning in your life dear. How about you my heaven postmen? Oh ya, thank you to that girl cause you has a courage to share it with me. Hope you will find new life and new episode for ya life k. kikikikikiki ^___^

That GirL Heart ~~~

To my heaven postmen …I have some story to share about,it’s about that girl and her confusion heart….. That girl is really worse to handle love when it’s come,she also dunno how to face it well…but one day when she attracted with that guy,she really being a stupid person. That girl dunno how to express it,but suddenly she just could express what her feeling with quarrel witht that guy. That girl totally crazy doing thing like this just because she dunno to express her love. Now already 8 years,but that girl still keep her feeling towards that guy,even that girl and that guy stay as friend also can contact each other well,that girl really can’t do anything about her feeling. For the 8 years that girl endure the pain inside alone. That girl belived,that guy also have a same feeling towards her. Fate always come to that girl and that guy,but that girl still endured the pain about how much she hold that guy inside her heart,even that guy couldn’t see that girl always protect him like a shadow,that girl feel fine about it. In the same time,that girl also hurting another person heart,now that girl also feel guilty about that,even the person she hurting well say that he already happy and feel worse about he love towards that girl,sometime make that girl feel really bad now. Why the person that girl hurting say he still can’t forget about his love to that girl,even he already have some who always make he happy?? That girl keep wonder,why that person also feel worse in what he choose now,nothing to feel guilty about it actually….this is because that girl totally in love with that guy,and because of that,that girl always be a bad person when it come about love. Now that person still contact that girl and try to confess about his past feeling and the thing make that girl most scary about when that person told even how far he go now,deep inside his heart still he couldn’t rip that girl. What kind of love make a someone suffer and strunggle like this? That girl nearly crazy and sometime she decide to stay alone until that girl again ready to face reality. When that girl nearly to give up about that guy,how can that guy exist and give hope which make that girl can’t let that guy go? Every night that girl just hold the phone in hand and look at the screen think about ‘that she should sent some message to that guy or not?’. That girl just keep doing that until she fall sleep without she noticed. Why that girl just can’t stop from looking at that guy only? What a special thing about that guy make that girl like this? Dear heaven postmen …could that girl stay at her position and looking at that guy like this again,even that girl near to that guy,she know,she can’t reach to the that guy right? How poor love like this,what should I do to that girl???? My heaven postmen,I wonder if that girl could stand or not if one day that guy going married with another person,could be that girl will destroy right? Or maybe that girl will calm and just accepted it well?....the love that girl keep for that guy already 8 years….if that really happened…I scared if that girl more hurting than now dear heaven postmen ….

What Happened To mE????

Annyong ^^… It’s really a long time I didn’t write anything at my blog…but now I really missed it a lot <3 …… 2012,now leave me….so many memory I leave too……now 2013,I dunno why I still stand at same spot….when I look at all my friend,I realized how much life change they are than me. Everyone already have a right goal to achieve……but me really confused,that I’m already stand at a right goal? Because of that,now I feel that I’m more fine and comfortable when I just stay at my room alone and sit infront my lappy writing something. I can create something happily and share with everyone I dunno there. I still fine to meet anyone outside my room,cause I can still play a role as human. I know that I always think negative everytime I meet someone now,but I can control it well to stay what I think only at my mind. I always heard someone told me that I’m cheerful type person when they are meet me for a first time,yup I thankful for the person say me like that. This year I dunno why I just think that is okay if I could make anyone know me and around me happy,always put a smile when talk to me and share a problem with me…….my world going so weird and little bit dark inside here,why I’m like this? I really dunno why….before I could control my tears fallen,but now I realized I really become a hard human to cry or feel sad about something,even I watch a sad story,I couldn’t….i worry if one day I lost my happiness and I being more hard person than now. Looking at a time past it’s same like a nothing to me now….what happened to me??? I dunno if I ruined my life or what…or maybe I give up???? I dun have a answer to myself sometime….i have thought before if I could be invisible if I stand at around person,maybe it’s more fine to me right?......oh ya,I forget about sometime that make me more fine this year….kid,when I play around with them,I thought that how much fun if I could become like them back….freely to do anything and also don’t need to worry about anything….how cute when see the kid run freely and doing just think about to play only….that’s why kid always got special treatment from adults….everytime I scream to kid who do wrong,they are just start cry before I really punish them…and because of that,I can’t do anything but just keep mad with my mouth….haisss…if I could doing a same thing like them,could I will fine now??????? I wonder how much longer I will stand like this…….to my postmen heaven,i'm so sorry....(TT_TT)

The Site foR ma FIction ^^

i already create a new space for ma story....this is a link to ma another blog...all ma story in BAHASA ^^ - http://mieyuki.livejournal.com/765 - have a time to visit there k ^^

sinCe ma Heart foR u^^

Annyoung^^ Lately I totally going crazy,I dunno who the person I really love,I dunno what I should do too..ehy I become like this???? But everytime I saw ma first love,I feel worse and guilty,I scare if I lost him. Only sigh I could while I writing this…I dunno if I really forget ma first love now or not…yup,I know,I never see u for a long time now,but sometime I still heard about your story well here. Like some night before,I dunno with who I should look into the make my heart calm…so my finger suddenly type your name,and it make me smile alone while I see your pic. Sometime u give me strength to live in this world well,but why I could see only when I already got the strength from u…I just see other person in ma life now…day by day I just try get close with ma new person. I’m happy about it,I follow ma heart to make ma lige more bright,but in the bright moment I found the dark space in ma heart even it’s just a small space,I could do anything abt the space…ma heart got someone feeling that I could be so far if I act like this…something I feel like ma heart really not allow me to love other person than you,and ma heart want me known that the new person I try to know just a bcoz I dunno him well,I just know the person name and how mch he improve to survive in the hard world…but background,sad,happy and mad moment I still reach it from the new person…I also know even ma heart not block me from love other too. I just act cool to love other,but my heart hurt a lot when I smile to other person,coz I hope I will see you now,and I hope u will heard me well too….dream,dream and dream,it keep repet in ma mind now…dream make me grow well now…Yunho oppa…how I could forget you if you already conquer my heart…how I could forget your name easily??? Even I disappointed with u before,even u could heard me,even u can’t see ma heart,even u smile to other,even u dunno my existent…how????? I just can love u now…could I get new love if like this???? Huhuhuhuhuhu…..oppaaaaa~~~~ could i ger new love happily if i'm like this??? oppa...ottokae???? na moeri neoooooooomu apa....huhuhuhuhu.... <3 uri Heaven postmen...did u understadn it??? aigooo...why it become hard for me loh...did u have a situation like me too????

Run to U

TOK,TOK!!anyounggggggg~~~~ (^__^) *everyone saranghae* -Blank-................dunno what i can doing right now, i just dun have any idea to doing a right thing now. when i try to finish ma video, i got trouble abt slow movement of ma lappy right now coz so many thg ma lappy need to update right now. so i gv up...... *mental breakdown* oh ya, i'm glad tht one of ma buddy jst mssge me now, so it's not make me death in bored situation (hahahaha (^O^)). looking at the person who sent me mssge mk me smile in silent. i dunno wht kind a feeling is this (@_@). ~baby baby run to u lalalala~ ma song list right now also play a song tht mk me wan to dance, wht kinda situation loh it's same like a drama whr a happiness happen in the drama will hv a happy BGM like now, so i just lalalalalalala with the song to loh^^. dunno wht i can share, so i just end here loh ^^ hahahahahaha *out of mind*

annyongiiiiii (^______________________^) dah lama gile xupdate story kat sini, bukan pe since remove to new house, all ma connection with internet just lost for a while, but now, tak yah nak worry agi coz i'm back with new connection here ^^ *hohohohohihihihi*. so now i will download the thing i like loh ^^ back to the story i really wan to share actually i feel so sad....i hope one of ma fav buddy will miss me, but i'm wrong, coz the thing i hope just crush ma heart *why?why?why?!!!* i know she might forget abt me perfectly like this,the day really come to me. the thing i afraid most, just face me now. b'coz of tht, i afrd to see thing related to her. on the day i sent her mssge, i dunno wht her reaction, but it's same like i'm just disturb her life now, i nearly cry,but i keep strong to face it well. when i try to express wht to her, she same change the topic as well as she can. b'coz of tht i just ignore the anger feeling and just reply the mssge she sent. i dunno if she alrdy change evrythng or just i'm so emotional towards her. i know our age alrdy diffrnt now and not like bfr, we can laugh,sad and fight. now i belived when we stop from meet each other and also contact each othr, everythng just come to the end one day, even we not willing accptd it, but we can't do anythg when it happend. to u, thanks to be my fav buddy in ma life,but until my breath stop i never remove u from ma fav buddy, i really can't do that even ma mouth say it.....

BACK ^^

annyoung~~~~ lama rasanYe xUPdaTE ma BloG ni~~ duNNo whaT i BusY iN loh....(JusT SleeP,watcH draMa,buY stuFF,PlaY gamE,eDiT VideO) now i really haVe aLot iDea to doiNg buT duNNo whiCH oNe i sHouLd doinG firsT...haisss TT_TT so i End dengAn TyPe sOme sTorY LiL biT anD thaN LisTen soNg + TryiNg to WriTe a soNg Lyrics...i just doing so many ThinG daLam saTu maSa so ChaoS in Ma MiND now... ummm...oh Ya, i just fiNisH frOm watcH aLL ma ViDeo maKer,and Smile aLone looK how muCh improvement in doing BetteR video Loh ^____^ (that i Perasaan sendiri ?,?) da~ whatever.... oh ya,lately ma old buddies ada ask about ma life...umm,what i can say just i'm like before loh,nothing change and nothing forget about keeee~~~ actually, i know the top question ma buddieS wan asKing loH...i Know ma Buddies wiLL asKinG about ma partner(boyfriend/lover)..haisss...heard that i start to lie firstly...but i just burst out of laugh, cause i got goosebump when talking about lover (but if ma lover is OPPA/kpop idol different). when ma buddies knows the truth ma buddies out of tantrum hahahahaha~~~~~~ what the most i hate when we talk about past,ma buddies start talk about the person i totally forget well and keep make me remember the face well!!! argggg!!!! apart from that,ma buddies also start suggest me to introduce me to someone, but hardly i refuse about that,why i do that,because i just try to hold ma fate now, i belived someone already fate to me but dunno when,where and who right, why we need to rush in matters like that??? anything will come to us we just need be patient....aigoooo i REaLLY HATE wHEn SoMEONe TRyiNG tO be matChMAker foR me LoHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! m(><)m ummmm, let me end here loh,i thought ma Idea come NoW~~~ annyong~ (─‿‿─)

everything Under ControL@@@@@@

annyoung^^

since i work at nusery ni,feel like i'm really going CraZy...hahahaha....i run around at d nusery like a kid thr and play alot + sleep alot..kikikikiki
but sometime i feel like i really getting old day by day,haisssss~~~ that a worse part to compared it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh ya,i dunno it become a habit evryday i meet all d kid, i wan to mk thy cry hahahaha evn for a while....kikikiki sometime i will teased them with d thg they scared a lot...hahahaha....when thy start cry i will hug and kiss them alot...tht d reason i lov to teased thm alot..and aftr tht,all of them will gv alot lov to us....kikikikiki~~~ (ths is not a good way to treat kid actly haissssss~)

sometime when i bored i like to force certain kid to kiss or hug me...hahahahaha!!!!how cute thy are when they obey to our request kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~~~~
yup,they all also hv a certain cute side and behavior. first,

- Hafiz who love to lie face downward at d floor while shake his butt several time ^^,

- Faris Azaman aka 'POkcik' who love to teased everyone,when d person his teased cry,he will trying to sake forgiveness at d person.

- Adib Asyraf who can't talk well,it's really hard to understand wht his say,we need more focus to understand it but he love to talk and copy wht adult person talk espcly whn i scold othr kid coz wht d mistake thy do.

- Qasandra,kikikikiki...when heard her name,i alwys thought abt indo actress name...she had a cute nickname. i called her Dada..kakakakaka...d weird and cute thg she had is when she cry. d way to stop her from cry,just need to told her tht she is a cute little kid, like i alwys do 'waaaa,dada ni comel,cantik rambut dada'. aftr say like tht,she jst stop from crying and will stick with us..hahahaha~~~~


- oh ya,also twins, i not sure abt d twins name,coz since i come at d nursery,i jst heard evryone called them as 'abang kembor' and 'adik kembor', but when i check at the registration form of twins, i realized tht they had a good name,one is a Adib Darish and one is Adib darwish,but i dunno who is darish and who is darwish..ummmmm. the best part abt twins,both of them is so active,they will not stop run until we scold them to stop. and lately i just get information from twins mom that d twins cannot eat somethg sweet like chocolate,coz tht thg will mk them more active....oooooo (O.o)...even how,d twins alws b a trouble-maker at d nursery...without our attention they could destroy d nursery i thought (^O^) kakakkakaka~~~~

- Afiq Zarif...this kid really weird and i thought his know tht evryone love him well in wht his do. sometm i call him a free soul,cz he will go everywhr and sit evrywhr he love. he also can lay down when evryone busy eat...kikikikikikiki...this kid,so easy guy u know,cz when we ask for kiss he will quickly gv direct kiss to the person and make a sound like 'mmmm' aftr kisss....kyaaaaaa~~~~ from the kid like crying when no one around him,he bcome a strong kid i knw now ^^

ummmm that's all abt kid around 1-4 years,but sometm i will take care d baby around 1-12 month. d baby also hv a cute side i know,like Jazlan,who know lov hahahaha...why i say like tht,coz,Jazlan alwys hit othr girl but not one a baby girl thr call 'Senah'.he will protect tht girl,also welling share d toys,but when othr come trying grab the toys from 'senah' hand,he will hit them....kyaaaaa~~~ cool Jazlan...and i also can see a leader personality in Jazlan,cz when he start play,and doing somethg,everyone will follow his and ply together....kyaaaaaaaaaa^^


haissss,if i want to share abt them,it's still more,but myb i will continue later ok...tht some story i could share with ma heaven posmen,hope u like and lov my new world ok^^

The child i wan ^^

Yoochun oppa so smart boy lohhhhh~~~~ hahahaha~~~i hope i have brother like u ^^


kyaaaa~~~~ this is ma boy loh~~~ ma sweety bunny bun poing poing~~~ loverrrrr!!! yunhooooo oppaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~


omo!!! ma Junsu oppa,why u so cuteeeeeeeeeeee!!! make me crazyyyyyyy....ilove itttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!


Changminie oppaso cute~~ kyaaaa~~~~


hahaha~~~ i hope i have baby like u Jeajoong Oppa~~~ (^_~)


if u have son,which do u prefer he be? and how is it????? i hope i have 5 sons like them...kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~ dream of tonight before close ma eyessssssssssssssss!!!!!
i wan all gather in my dream and become ma sonssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!

CrazY~

Again we COINCINDENTALLY meet in the street, LOOKING at u make me TREMBLING a lot. When u see me like that maybe u though that I’m still LOVE u and want u BACK. Actually what u see me like this, it is because of I AFRAID u might make me CRAZY with what u DESIRE from me. Deep in my HEART, I really want to SCREAM out that it isn’t a LOVE like u though because it’s just your ATTACHMENT. I quickly AVOIDING your eyes to make u UNDERSTAND it, but I WRONG, doing that just make u more INTERESTED to though it’s really about I could LIVE WITHOUT u now. LISTEN to u WORDS really just ANNOYING me right now. Why u couldn’t UNDERSTAND? Why u being STUPID because of something u can’t ACCEPT?. That’s why, every WORDS out from u MOUTH same nothing EFFECT to me now. I’m going little bit RELIEF when u start open your step from me. The RELIEF just for a MOMENT to me, because wherever I am, and whatever I do now, I know u’re WATCHING me. THINK about it, I feel so SCARED.

It’s now same like just u know me well, before u do that to me, I already know well about u. someone like u always do something everyone can’t EXPECT. I know since u back and since I meet u again, u will try HARD to get in TOUCH with me again, maybe u could FOLLOW my step and CALL me everyday under ANONYMOUS status. I dunno what u FEEL when u do that, when u FOLLOW my FOOTSTEP could u FEEL u can stay by my side? And when u HEARD my BREATHING SOUND on your phone when u do that, could it already make u HAPPY?. Every night u come near to my house and under a TURN OFF street light in front of my house u just WATCH me through my window room. LOOKING at u doing that, again I TREMBLING and AFRAID, so I try HARD to HIDE from u couldn’t see me, even of my SHADOW I will not let u see it too. Do u know I’m really TIRED doing this every night. Have u gone CRAZY? Why are u like this?. From my HIDE space now, I just can CRY in FEAR pray for u STOP it and leave me ALONE.

After a night, I could BREATH again and come out from my HIDE space. I LOOK out at my window and take a deep BREATH now. Why? Why u still can’t UNDERSTAND? Why u be so STUPID? Do u know, when I see u FACE now, I get SUFFOCATED. When day come to, I just HOPE that u will get AWAY from my SIGHT anymore. But I realize it same like I can’t ESCAPED from u since u BACK, which u same HOPING that I’m will just LOVE u. even I RUN AWAY now, it same u still can see me and in your MIND same like u PROUD about u really know me BETTER. See u behave like that I know, u really want I LOOK at u but I can’t and didn’t want to do that because I don’t wanna CRY no more.

Day by day already past, but why u still like this? Please, just get AWAY from me I’m really can’t BREATH like this. What I can do to STOP your CRAZINESS now? ,STOP making a call to me, cause even a THOUSAND missed call from u I receive, I will not PICK it up. I will not FORGET since the day I meet u until now, I know it already a THOUSAND day since that and u also want prepared me a PRESENT that I’ll like. So that’s why u just SITTING at the ROAD which I often walk, WAITING for me and again HOPING a LOVE from me. My step just STOP LOOKING u there, I can’t think anything to do right now even to try RUN AWAY. U just APPROCH me and try to let me receive what in your hand now. I really can’t ACCEPT it, just ANNOYING face I give u in that MOMENT. Your ANGER face CLEARLY I can see at that MOMENT, suddenly u just screm out that what u doing to me now it’s not same like what I though is u just ATTACHMENT , and u don’t want I say that everything u doing now just make me CRAZY. Repetly u told me, that I really can’t BREAK AWAY from u.how STUBBORN u in front of me to make I BELIVED with u WORDS again. Both your hand at my shoulder, u act same like someone can’t DISTINGUISH between FICTION and REALITY. What u know just want me SAY that I still need u and LOVE u. could u STOP all the NONSENSE talk and THINK now? .I HOPE u come to your SENSE back, STOP everything and let me GO from your MEMORY.

Since u act like that to, I CLEARLY know, everything now, it’s really not a LOVE, but u just HURTING me a lot. With a HEARTLESS perception in your eyes from me, I just GO WITHOUT LOOKING at u and throw AWAY your present. I can FEEL on that MOMENT u not FOLLOW my step anymore.

In my room, I sit at my bed and hug my favorite stuff tighly and let my TEARS wet my face. I WHISPERING to my stuff about u. where I can’t DENY about before when I make PROMISE to u about I will LOVE u FOREVER, I really MEANT to be, but now I really MEANT to be to that I can’t LOVE and don’t LOVE u anymore. Please FORGIVE me and FORGET me from your MEMORIES, even u say u will WAITING for me FOREVER it really can’t CHANGE my LOVE towards u again. Our story already END since I told u to BREAK UP, I already make new PROMISE to myself now, I don’t wanna CRY no more.