FLyyyyyyyyyy~~~~~

i love the way i stand now, coz lil bit i can run,walk, laugh n smile alot...i didnt feel the strunggle wht i feel before...i dunno, who, when n where i realize all the thing come to me....n to my family..thanks alot who alwys gv me support until i can stand like ths...kikikikikiki....

to all my prenz i know..tq, coz of u, i learn evrythg now....i know how to show my feeling.... so i wan say to u, can u feel my heart bit?(hahahahaha)

i think, i can stay in the situation i hv now....its enough now, if i can undrstnd them rite? coz i knw who thr r......even behind thm i can't c wht thy hide...but i feel peace to stand like now......

ring ding dong,ring ding dong....dunno wht to write now...so i end here......!!!

wings...i need...

what i think right now? what i really wan? that im really happy now?....so many question i wan ask myself now, im wonder, why im like that!!!!!, im smile wen i wan and i keep talking abt anything as i wan, and i feel horrible inside wen everything pass....im really wan cry now, but im dunno, since wen my tears stop from falling again, what i can do now, just let my temper conquer myslf like a crazy, i lost my temper even for a small matters somtimes...dunno which way i should choice now...my heart full with hatred feeling....argggggg!!!! i dunno, dunno...i really think wan to run as far as i can and avoid everyone i knw....
my heaven posmen, that i can return my time?????, i wish to go back the time im at scool will my old friend....ummm..but still have worse memory right??? so better if i can return the time, i wan back to the time i was 7...n i wan fix everything i make mistake n until i can b someone more better than now.....

why i cant fly???? my heaven posmen, tht u have a wing? if ya, can u let me borrow it for a while? or can u bring me? we fly together to the way u wan....hummm...its that ok????

why??? im really far from what i am before? the person who consider abt another person life thn her slf...whr r u?? if im really far from that, i think i can answer it abt im really can b alone one day....

where i am...

to my heaven posmen.....
lately i realize something wrong with me....im like lost something where i can't explain with words...but i know i lost it....why? since when?
yup myb on the time i can find my friend back or myb on the time i can say my friend name bck....yup...im the person who always need waiting for somthing or hoped...why im like ths..i really dunno why....day by day...n when everything come back normal n everything i waiting back...i can take a long breath n smile...but...why...i can't feel something i always feel before..wht i mean..the happiness, the smile,n the sadness...i lil bit confius right now..why????
im just smile when i think the situation wan im smile n laugh n i just can feel sad inside my heart..but my tears stop falling n my heart can't say anything to me anymore..why???

first time i heard abt my friend who i really miss n who i can't find by myslf i feel happy,n my heart can't stop from told me that i shld meet my friend...n i wan hold my friend tightly n i shld never lost my friend again...but after i meet my friend...i dunno why i can't say anything to my friend who i miss alot, i can't say my friend name to...i dunno what i shld do to...im blank....n my friend...non-stop blame on me...my friend told me,that im a bad friend to her,she told me i never try find her n never try contact with her anymore...when i heard everything from her mouth..i blank...my tears...again stop..n my heart again dun told me anything....i can't touch her to...but what i can do on that time...i just can see her face n heard a good news since i can't find her.....after we meet, i ask her phone no,she give me..but what i promise to her,to contact or text her...i can't do it..i dunno why...but what i know on that time..im afraid from heard she call me someone who always forget abt her...im afraid if she get alot hurt from heard my voice n anything i do....im afraid lost her again....until now...i dunno wht i shld do...

and im nearly forget abt someone who im waiting from heard try to talk to me and forget abt afraid feeling towards me...she my friend to....im waiting, n waiting for the day..but i knw nothing will change if i didnt do something...i make all thing whr she shld hate me...but she didnt give any respond to...why?
i dunno why i will sad n cry alone everytime she fall asleep before me...i watch her face secretly n im ask myslf on tht time..why im always be cruel towards her? wht thing i still not satisfyd in her life?...but my answer nothg....yup, i know mylf n her obvsly dffrnt...coz im type person always need someone beside me n we each other give support...the moments like that can make me more comfortable...but i knw her life not like tht...she still think abt another thing in her life...so sometimes i feel like im still alone...n im realized if she with me myb she will get alot scar...im worry....so on tht time i think i shld hate her n make her far from me, n forget everything abt me.....but....i can't do it..n she to....i try to pretend tht im ok..but i knw i can't...until she come to me n forget abt afraid to face me anymore...she try slow talk to me...yup,on the time,i told my heart...'tht i wan u do..but why need take a long time like ths?...but its ok,coz finally u dare to come n face me right..'

but...my heaven posmen, i think i lost my feeling now....i can't feel the feeling on the time i feel hard to face my friend,the moments i smile bcoz of them, n feel sad bcoz we in trouble or anything...why? my tears...really dunno wht kind situation shld it fall...why on the time i heard my friend sad story i can't feel it? n why the feeling to protect each other never exist in my heart now? n why everytime i see all my friend pic i cant smile or cant feel any feeling? even i can talk with her back...why i feel like it just a something normal? n wen i heard the song where i always feel like to cry i can't feel it now even repetly i heard? why everytime i see all my friend i just can follow thy step n wht thy wan? why i easily get temper towards them when i think thy do something not right towards me? coz i knw im not a kind person who easily get temper towards my friend even thy try to betryd me...why? n why i feel like i didnt interested in thy life anymore like wht thy do or who thy meet? n why wen i heard thy talk with another thy own friend i not feel jealous like before? n why i always talk everything just wen all my friend fall asleep...n i always talk with a stuff who can't give any respond towards me??? n wen i have a problem n something i can't settle it,why i just keep silence n pretend like nothing happend?
heaven posmen...where i am???where my soul? wht happend to me??? tht wht i can explain to u now...if u found myslf..can u return it to me?...n if my friend knw abt tht can u explain to them?

my heaven posmen....can u take care of my friend for a while now? n tell me wht i shld do n respond towards thm? i worry if one day i really cant find myslf.....oh ya,can u teach me how to say sorry and thank u agn..humm....n i hope i can hold them back like who i am before...

my heaven posmen...u can heard everything i told u to right?....i hate to wait agn..i hate the words of wait...mianhae...so don't let me wait agn....

^_^

life memang somthing yg kita tak pernah jangkakan...bg saya,saya pernah merasakan ingin berputus asa dgn kehidupan ni,but something membuka mata saya utk trs berada sampai skrg,how miracle its is after im relize it...
the miracle will come wen we feel kehidupan ni sgt bermakna dgn dugaan,ummm, dgn mg dtg bukan skli but mungkin berulang kali and kdg kala benda yg sama,so bergantung kpd ketahanan diri ssorg ketika menghadapi pkr tu....
bg saya dah cukup bermakne bila saya sdr kkwan saya and the important one,my family, everytime open my eyes, n can see each one from them,make me smile alot,n my morning will be brightly like i never thought...kikikikiki
saya sedar yg saya org yg cuai,coz everything saya try pegang pada org yg saya belived abd wan hold until the end,always something will blocking us,but saya sbnrnya bknlah org yg senang give up easily..even saya bnyk kali hampir give up bila mrk asyik terlepas,so before tears fall down, saya trs sedar apa yg patut yg saya buat...ummm, i thought ths a last stupid thing i will do to..but seriously saya pernah terfikir if ths time will same and nothing will change,saya akan lupakan semuanya and will change cara saya berkawan....
even saya tak mampu nak buat perkara mc tu saya kena buat one day kan????
how stupid im something coz im realize to tht im kind a person who always need someone hold me,and always in troubel coz of that to...

so apa yg saya boleh katakan....'i am who i am'...mian to the person always got alot painess coz of me...mian...

tuRn aRounD

kisah yg ingin saya kongsikan kali ni adalah sebuah kisah yg saya pernah dengari dari seseorang...saya teringat akan kisah ni lepas saya terdengar sebuah lagu.. ^__^
kehidupan manusia ni memnag sukar untuk kita jangka apa yg bkl berlaku, dan juga yg sudah berlaku...ok saya akan kongsikan sekarang...

kisahnya mengenai seorang gadis dengan seseorang yg dia kenal sejak dr kecil, tp d'sebabkan dia tlh menganggap org tersebut spt abng atau org yg tdk mgkn dia impikan sbg org yg patut dia suka...beberapa thn berlalu hbgn mrk msh sm,cuma lyn org tersebut mula b'rubah,lynannya agk kasar bg dirinya,tp dia hny mampu menerimanya shj tnp mempersoalkannya krn dia thu akbtnya jk dia m'persoalkan hal tsbt.umur dan p'watakan diri msg2 mula berubah dgn kehidupan yg mrk sm2 cipta,tp mrk lupa yg mrk pasti akn bertemu kmbli krn org trsbt tdk akn prnh memberikan khdpn yg sng padanya..(itu apa yg dia fkrkn),stp kali bertemu mrk akan bergaduh wlpn hy perkara yg kecil..tp mrk msh ingin mnrskan hbgn sedemikian.....
tp pd satu hr,keadaan mula berubah,apbl org tsbt menyatakan pkr yg tak prnh disangkakan olh dia dan pkr yg dia tak mgkn lakukan....apbl itu brelaku dia lgs tdk prh memberikan jwpn yg ikhls d'hati dia..org tsbt jg ada menanyakan apa dia rasa slm ini..dia hy diam, armt mula ingin keluar tp dia menahannya ketika itu...dan dia mula bersuara tnp mempedulikan soalan tersebut...
'prg jauh dr sini...jgn tinggal kat sini kalau tu yg kau nak tny!!!'
hny tu yg mampu dikatakannya....dan dia mula melangkah ketika itu, org tersebut cuba memberhentikan lgkhnya, org tu menarik tangan dia tp dia meronta agr d'lepaskan...org tersebut turut m'pny sikap degilnya yg jelas,dia tdk mahu mlpskannya,tp org tu hny berdiri dan membiarkan dia meronta,melihat keadaan trsbt dia kmbl diam,dan dia hny mendengar org trsbt menanyakan soalan 'knp?!!',saat itu dia msh tdk mnjwbnya...dia trt tdk memandang pdnya... 'jgn pks diri kalau kita tak mampu buat...'..dengan perlahan dia dpt rskan genggaman mula d'lepaskan dan sekali lagi dia mendengar kata-kata terakhir dr mulut org trsbt...
'aku akn prg jauh mc kau nak..but kalau aku masih tak kmbli sini..tu sb aku msh tak blh lupa kata-kata aku ni...dan aku nak kau yg dtg cari aku..aku pst kau tak prnh menyesal dgn pe kau ckp kan...sb kau mg mc ni....kau ada bnd yg slu kau tak settlekan lagi...'
dia segera prg tnp m'lihat org tersebut dan dia sndr tak pasti berapa byk armt dia yg berjaya keluar,100,200,300 @ mungkin 1000 kali dia menitiskannya.
org trsbt pergi sehari slps ulgthnnya,tiada org yg mengiringinya,ms tu dia juga sdg berseronok dgn rkn2nya utk lupakan apa yg jd...tp dia tahu,ms tu dia nk sgt prg dan jumpa dan katakan apa yg dia patut beritahu...tp tak...tu dia tak mampu buat..utk menoleh pd org tersebut pun dia tak mampu..knp???....dia sendiri keliru knp dia tak mampu hy utk menoleh...

shg kini dia cb hidup dlm dunianya..dia cipta ruang utk diri dia sbnr...dan sdkt demi sdkt dia mgkn berjaya lakukan...tp mgkn tak sepenuhnya....dia rs,knp dia tak ckp 'jgn prg' pd org tu kalau dia rs mc tu...sb satu je alsn dia...dia rs dia mgkn akn berhentikan org tu kalau dia ckp mc tu dan mgkn ad hati yg akn lg trk hancur ms tu......

cite dr dia ni mg betol2 mc lagu saya dengar sebenarnya..maaf la kalau saya kongsikan kisah ni, but don't worry nama saya tak gunakan ok...hope ada jln penyelesaian buat semua ni...
heaven posmen..ummm,awak pun dengar cerita ni kan? so apa yg saya blh mintak awak tolong jst kalau dia berpeluang jmp org tu blk,hrp dia citekan hal sbnrkan...tp betol ke org tu tak nak blk lg??? mgkn dia akn kmbli kan,tp ms dia blk ht dia mc mana? pst dia msh terbuka utk semua tu kan?..sb kata-kata hy kata-kata...dia tak blh lupakan dia mc tu je, pst org tu tipu kan?....so apa saya hrp,org tu akn dgr penjelasan sbnr dan dia akn fhm dan dia tak mrh pd dia lagi.. *hope*