HurTinG me

i wan say gud bye 2 u my dearest buddy. i scared 2 face a painess anymore. even i say the paines for a thousand time, u will not feel it. u must found new happiness there. congratulation, finally u found the person could make your heartbeat fast right? i really wan wish it by my mouth , but i could now. see u like this, i'm really fine now. have a wonderful life my buddy. i dunno why i remove u from ma friend list at my FB, i'm so sorry. i hope u notice it and i hope i can fix ma trust and ma friendship with u again. why i doing this??? i hate maself alot!!! i just become more envy person looking how well yor life since we didn't get closed anymore, and i being someone more cruel 2 other sometime. so please stopping me!!! it's hurting me alot... gud byeee~ dun give any excuse if u forget something about me anymore, i'm will trying 2 understand everything. i will...

The StuPid ThinGS

sigh, sigh and sigh!! sometime people can be so stupid right? like i say befor, i could understand myself. the day i told that person to make someone else happy, i really can't do it. on that moment 2, i really understand the real painess even i has done something like that before. tears just make me more sad, also look at that person pic. my heart so hard before, but i dunno how easy my tears waste for that person. i trying to ignore what that person doing and also trying to forget memory i have with that person. WOW!! because of this, i just fallen in sick (2 day got fever and 1 night my heart feel so pain until i cannot sleep). i thought i already let everything go, but i dunno in my happiness the face and the way that person treat me just pop-up in my mind. that person know how much worse i treat that person and how much i hurting that person, but i really can't found anyone like that person anymore. i just control myself as i can when i with other. i'm also a bad person cause i didn't trying feel something like that to other closed person, which also become the first person glow my life before that person. i konw i doing a mistake here, but im really sorry i cannot hold the painess. after i feel like i should settle everything well, that person really far from me now. i dun care if someone call me stalker, but i just care when i see u didn't doing something so hard like me. your happy face, your thought and the way u talking about something. did u know, i just don't dare to doing anything like update my status in my mini homepage? i really worry if i hurting u again there. i scared since i didn't has a time to met and stay with u like 3 years we spent. i scared 2 forget important day of u 2, but i know that person just far and far again. i didn't hope something from u on my important day, but little bit in my heart, i just search u 2 hear something. see, i just regret everthing alot now. i hope my cool hard just back like before, i hope i could forget everything now. sometime i also thought, if i have a super power, i wan destroy u by my hand! and wen i see u destroy, i can disappear with wind. aish!!! i wan have some super power which i could ride out of u from my life now!! i dun wan be like now!!! #HATE #HATE MYSELF

Im sorry about that

I really dunno about that, if i know I will never trying to fix anything with u anymore. How could u just being silent and let other hate u because of me?. If I know it from the start I really stop everything. What your friend saying is right 2, their the first person meet u and sharing your feeling as gud buddy in your life and that’s why I never trying 2 hate other person who come in your life first or last one. I’m also will meet other person and keep all my buddy in my heart. I can see what your friend trying 2 say and deliver. U should stop talking about me in front of them if u know their didn’t like u doing that, it’s really ok for me. The day I separated with u I can’t deny that I crying hard and told my other buddy about u as I can. For the first time their heard about that from me and I never call their name just u, I know that I already hurting them who come to me first and I quickly make their understand and I promise 2 bring u 2 them, and I grant it 2 them. Since that day, their just understand everything about our relationship and also advice me about what I doing 2 u before. On that time I was crying again in front of them. I meet variety type of friend and at a same time I always care about ma buddy feeling without thought about other around ma buddy, I really wan protect ma buddy but I can’t now. I really can’t fight about other who come to one of ma buddy first, and ma buddy just could treat them as usually their do 2, please dun hurting them at least their already hurting u first with some nonsense reason. In ma case now, I really dun wan make u look stupid in front other who come first it’s ok if u look at me like that but not ma buddy please…..before maybe I will stand for something like this but now I will not doing that again, just let me be a gud person now. In this case 2, yup I will let u go well and dun look at me with some reason that make me believed everything again. Just go 2 the first person which make u happy and make u life colorful. U has such a nice old story than me….if their say their dun like me just comfort them and forget about me. I believed u can do it, it’s ok for me now.

Since U ma Buddy~~~~

In my life I have 2 thing I really trying to protect until I death. Even I know i not a perfect person to hold the 2 thing but I still hard doing this. Since I’m kind a person really hard to show ma love and care well to other, I just keep it and show it in different way to other. Sometime I’m also look at what kind a person I face and what kind of communication I will use to that person 2. I can’t deny it that everything in ma life is about ma best buddy only, everything I doing and care just them, also when I have big secret I just could share with ma buddy. How bad I am coz couldn’t share everything with ma family member as well as I do it with ma buddy. I dunno how much I hurting ma family just to go to ma buddy and make all ma buddy happy. The moment with ma buddy really a best moment I have, I can share everything with them and all the problem they have 2, I dun care if ma buddy didn’t care or listen to me as well i do to them, as long as I still make them smile. Yup, I scared if one day I lost them and they leave me. Even I scared about that and trying to avoiding that from happened, I really can’t do anything now. Ma buddy is a human so they have a feeling and desired to do anything about their life. I can’t begging or force them just 2 back and looking at me now. Now one by one ma buddy just got happiness from their family. I also see all pic and their mini homepage, just a pic of all ma buddy and their family. On this moment how can I disturb and stop them? Looking at them back to their family, I realized it that I should back to my family 2 right? but since I just comfortable doing anything with ma buddy, it’s become so awkward for me to doing anything like ma buddy doing with their family easily. I dunno how to start talking about anything like I doing to ma buddy. Sometime I have thinking, why ma buddy betray me, before their also say that their have something that their can’t doing with their family comfortably like with me, the day I trying to share that feeling and heard everything with them, just vanish and now just leave me alone here. I know I couldn’t feel bad about that and I believed that everyone have own opinion and own desired to achieved in their life, so I shouldn’t being stupid to feel worse about that. I pray for ma buddy happiness and I also hope I will become easily feel comfortable with ma family one day. I can wish ma buddy happiness, but I know it’s hard for me actually . I dunno while I writing this I dropping ma tears, I dunno ma tears falling for what now. Even how, if I also silent here I really dun wan disturb ma buddy happiness and busy world, and if one day I just listen 2 one person, I didn’t meant to forget or didn’t care all ma buddy, coz once all ma buddy in ma heart it’s really hard for me to erase u all so please dun say that I forget and hate u anymore. Ma buddy, please asking me if u really mad about ma behavior if one day u heard me just say only one name, and that person is not u. if that happened that’s mean the person I only say have a same situation with me or the one I still comfortable to heard and listen their well actually, or maybe that person the one make me feel that I’m not a worse person in this world. About ma buddy I really meant it, in ma friendship I dun have any word to forget or throw ma buddy away easily or maybe trying to betray each of u. Each ma buddy have different personality so I just can follow each of u way and the way I treat u, It’s didn’t meant that I hate or u less person in ma heart. Nothing change when it’s about ma buddy, just the situation of us now. ‘ FRIEND IS MY MELODY IF I LOST U, MY MELODY WILL NOT PERFECT ANYMORE EVEN EVERYONE CAN HEARD THE MELODY BUT JUST ME KNOW THAT MELODY NOT PERFECT ’ *P/s- i hate when i just suddenly crying without reason!!!!!

it's Should Be The EnD

To my heaven postmen~~~ It’s same like really a long time I never sent you a new story right? How you there? That you have a good journey? I don’t think that I’m really busy to wrote something to you, but I just realized that I nearly forget that you’re there for hear any story from me right??? Umm, yup I have some new story for you my heaven postmen, this time it’s about that girl who really stupid, who just think about what that girl really forget it about. What I know, that girl just already forget about that person well now. But suddenly that girl got some news about that person, that girl just trying hard to ignore everything. Act cool and pretend nothing will effect in that girl life anymore. Day by day, that girl just acting cool, but one night while that girl looking at the night cloud which there have a small shining star, the tears from that girl eyes nearly fall. Realized it, that girl quickly be strong and looking down and walk away. That girl also know that she could lie her heart as well as she told herself that nothing affect her. Why that girl being a stupid again? Just hardly deny that nothing will affect her, but in the end she just fallen in the sadness hole again. The news about that person will engaged, that girl should be happy about it. Because finally that person could let go that girl right? . The ceremony maybe not a first time for that person, but this time that girl really can’t understand what that person trying to hiding this from her and why that person told her sister , which that girl shouldn’t know about the ceremony because that person worry to hurting that girl again. That person really doesn’t learn everything yet. Why that person should care about that girl heart anymore?. Since the day that girl heard that, that girl trying hard force herself to ignore it and don’t got involved in that person matter anymore. After a long day too, that girl starting feel weird about her heart again. Why silently that girl feel little by little the achiness inside her heart? Even that girl ignore that feeling as she can, it’s made that girl become harder to breath now. How stupid that girl, why think and take it serious again. It’s really a long time between that girl and that person didn’t contact each other, and because of that too, that girl just forget about anonymous number which up in her phone and answer it. When she does that, nothing that girl heard from the caller. In that situation, yup that girl knows who it is. Before that girl act cruel to the caller, she just heard the voice which she hopes will not heard it again. Heard that voice from the caller, that girl knows that person again hold his tears behind his nervous voice. Why that person should do that? Nothing will change that girl heart anymore. That girl already set her mind to not affect by that person anymore, also everything has been done a few years ago. Nobody will hurt anymore. Congratulation, that what that girl could saying to that person now. Even that person didn’t give any respond. From that person breath on the phone, it’s clearly that person could hold his tear anymore. So, in the end that girl quickly ends the conversation. After do that, that girl received a message from that person. ’ Why you still use this number? Did you still hoping for my call? That you missed me?’. How dare that person send massage like that to that girl? Where he got confident to write something liked that?. That girl can’t deny, that person still didn’t change his promise, but even how, for that girl, every step and movement that person choose and make will not mean anything anymore. Only one thing that girl reply to that person. ‘please don’t hoping anything, even I didn’t change my number, it’s didn’t mean that I hoping something from you bro, I found my path now, I will achieved everything now while looking at your goal and your own happiness, couldn’t you find your happiness? You didn’t the one could hurt me now. I have someone will doing that to me now. This time I didn’t lie to you too, it’s real. I worry if you spy me just I told you this, but before again you doing something I hate, I really don’t want, your past story disturb my new life, so please stay in what you doing now, just be a good person and obey to the person also be next you’ That girl, just write everything where it’s look like she really fine and like she really in the top of happiness, but what the meaning when she just fallen some tears behind the all lies she create?. That person again just didn’t saying anything again. Yes, that really the end between that girl and that person. That person seem like could understand it right. That’s what that girl wants too. Hurting, painess, tears, lies, could it end here? That girl just hoping that she will never heard about that person anymore, even she has pray for that before but this time will become the last. Just being the last one. Even that person will going nonsense again, that girl will not waver towards that person, and also nothing will made that person going childishness. That person also can think as a matured person right?. Yup, again inside that girl heart, she also the same, could avoiding the fears and worries towards that person again. That girl again just praying for the last episode her and that person again. Please just end the story between that person anymore. Sometime behind the tears, that girl just expresses a small regret. ‘Why she should meet that person before? Why she the one walling to heard that person sadness and looking his tears falling? Why she also the one give her hand to that person? And also why she the one who just following that person for satisfied his desired. Even it’s starting just for helping that person from doing a wrong thing in his life, why it’s should end and create a ridiculous story where no one will believed and want to heard it, neither it’s from that person or that girl’

It is will end here right?. That what that girl hoping again. To my heaven postmen, did you think it will end here now?. Aufff, how poor that girl. What I can say to that girl, just stopping being stupid anymore. Just stop thinking and going something more meaning in your life dear. How about you my heaven postmen? Oh ya, thank you to that girl cause you has a courage to share it with me. Hope you will find new life and new episode for ya life k. kikikikikiki ^___^