The him really a bad guY?

Its a long time i never update new story. But today i just feel to write something here and share with my heaven postman. This time, the story is about one girl and the past with a bad guy or not. The story start here: I just wondering what happend to my life that i good enough to be someone perfect partner or not. In my life, i really face another part. The day i decide to care one guy and to understand everything and make it the last of my hurting heart why its end like a shit to me. I dunno why its easy to me to falling with someone but one i sure, i feel to love him because what i feel from him and what feedback he give to me too. I not doing it alone, but one the day i be sincere and become a good girl to him, ican see how much he become different person and other also whispering to me "that guy so weird and why now he just let u know that he have some more perfect and he will married? ". That guy just try using me from money until he needs. Im just like he bank, but when we argue, he really leave me without any apologies, on that time i also the one will begging to him dont leave me, is better i stay to u as your friend or something thah u just need to fulfill your life. I know im just become more obident to him when i scared to let it go in my life i even run to him without i know, using myself to cover he mistake, and accept any mistake he create and sometime cover him well for everything. He can hurt me physicaly and inside me well and sometime something that danger in mylife is just nothing just to see him and make he mine. I become crazy to him not because i start but he start it but maybe he just fun to miserable mylife like this, tears is nothing to he. But i just love him alot, i still give my hand on the time he just say need help. Because of him, i didnt realize how much i hurt other even my bestfriend but i relief when i know my bff not hate me but understand me well. Cry not solved everything. I try to attract attention from him even i go to the place he live and i just leave my family because to get close him. But again nothing, he make me nothing. Sometime my mind become weak and i say to end my life but i didnt do cus i saw my bff face and advice. That what i dream before that have bad guy in mylife as a my partner but its just make more worse and make me hate everything.... Even how i never want remind him as a bad guy, i still cant say he bad guy. Now when someone come to me and try to become my best partner and trying hard to not become like my bad guy,i still feel not confident. Even i let he know my bad guy and sometime that bad guy contact me and make me feel to grab him again, he just can stand with me well. Even i hurting he like i bad gurl to him why he smile and make me timid. Dear all, i just still hoping my bad guy will come to me... But i might hurting other and i might become like him one day right? I just want eveeything become more fine now, even wish to lost my memory is a something good now. Tell me if i also a bad person or i just need to be more fine with new life story. -end my story- Umm.. That i share to u my heaven postman, yup hard to forget the love u bad what i can say if that love just make u become like crazy and keep hurting better try new medication to make u feel new life. I understand how worse and how misrable your life but that u know, the warmest u have never make u regret later, but never to hurting the warmest u have now... Love is so many type never make a good story,but the good story will come later ok. Tq to share it, hope u will fine and make a new life better ok. Heaven postman,the bad person will got punishment or not? I hope not, and i want see the smile for everyone again.