WhalE bacK to the An OceaN

i dunno y lately just become more worse for me.i can't handle everything now. to become strong person, really hard. i trying hold in all thing....but i lost it one by one. the most thing i lost is love. the person which always make me to care him and the person who always make my heartbeat fast just not anymore i could handle it while i trying protect my friendship. i could't cry as i can anymore now. if i know i just lost both of them, i will not trying hard like this. i though while i protect my friendship, that person will give me a chance to waiting but it's not like that anymore. now dunno who i can blame....dunno who i begging for....and dunno i could hold anymore..... i just back to basic again......it's same like i just got bump with something in ma head and i lost ma memory. tears also cant solve everything now....i become like a insane but i cant. smile....it's a fake smiling to other now. nothing going right anymore.....but i just still can hold with what still leave with ma heart....give up.....i dunno....really dunno....it's also same like a whale which back to the an ocean after a long journey in beach....dun ask me to cry to decrease ma burden now....dun also ask me to lend on anyone....i can't....it's really hurting like i'm dead but still wander around...just kill me directly...dun use poison like this,cause it's make me suffering alot!!

I miSS u sO i CrY

u're in ma heart, if u call me, i would run 2 u again.that's why it's hurt me more like this. your heart already erased and threw me away. though i push u out but i pull u back again. i also though i shove u out but actually u already in ma life. all day i just though of u but tears fall again. i really can't stand it for a moment so tears just fallen again. i miss u again today so that's why i just could cry again. i don't think i can ever do it, having to empty all of u out from me. in this moment i really can't understand why myself being like this and u just is a who sharply pokes me. why become someone like this at my life????? how much more do i have to withstand for u to come? how much more does it have to hurt to forget u?. i didn't know that u know that how much i really want hear something from u, there's really something i want hear from u, but i can't. just once, really just once i hope u will look at me again and listen 2 me. i really miss u and love u as someone make me fine and smile.

HurTinG me

i wan say gud bye 2 u my dearest buddy. i scared 2 face a painess anymore. even i say the paines for a thousand time, u will not feel it. u must found new happiness there. congratulation, finally u found the person could make your heartbeat fast right? i really wan wish it by my mouth , but i could now. see u like this, i'm really fine now. have a wonderful life my buddy. i dunno why i remove u from ma friend list at my FB, i'm so sorry. i hope u notice it and i hope i can fix ma trust and ma friendship with u again. why i doing this??? i hate maself alot!!! i just become more envy person looking how well yor life since we didn't get closed anymore, and i being someone more cruel 2 other sometime. so please stopping me!!! it's hurting me alot... gud byeee~ dun give any excuse if u forget something about me anymore, i'm will trying 2 understand everything. i will...

The StuPid ThinGS

sigh, sigh and sigh!! sometime people can be so stupid right? like i say befor, i could understand myself. the day i told that person to make someone else happy, i really can't do it. on that moment 2, i really understand the real painess even i has done something like that before. tears just make me more sad, also look at that person pic. my heart so hard before, but i dunno how easy my tears waste for that person. i trying to ignore what that person doing and also trying to forget memory i have with that person. WOW!! because of this, i just fallen in sick (2 day got fever and 1 night my heart feel so pain until i cannot sleep). i thought i already let everything go, but i dunno in my happiness the face and the way that person treat me just pop-up in my mind. that person know how much worse i treat that person and how much i hurting that person, but i really can't found anyone like that person anymore. i just control myself as i can when i with other. i'm also a bad person cause i didn't trying feel something like that to other closed person, which also become the first person glow my life before that person. i konw i doing a mistake here, but im really sorry i cannot hold the painess. after i feel like i should settle everything well, that person really far from me now. i dun care if someone call me stalker, but i just care when i see u didn't doing something so hard like me. your happy face, your thought and the way u talking about something. did u know, i just don't dare to doing anything like update my status in my mini homepage? i really worry if i hurting u again there. i scared since i didn't has a time to met and stay with u like 3 years we spent. i scared 2 forget important day of u 2, but i know that person just far and far again. i didn't hope something from u on my important day, but little bit in my heart, i just search u 2 hear something. see, i just regret everthing alot now. i hope my cool hard just back like before, i hope i could forget everything now. sometime i also thought, if i have a super power, i wan destroy u by my hand! and wen i see u destroy, i can disappear with wind. aish!!! i wan have some super power which i could ride out of u from my life now!! i dun wan be like now!!! #HATE #HATE MYSELF

Im sorry about that

I really dunno about that, if i know I will never trying to fix anything with u anymore. How could u just being silent and let other hate u because of me?. If I know it from the start I really stop everything. What your friend saying is right 2, their the first person meet u and sharing your feeling as gud buddy in your life and that’s why I never trying 2 hate other person who come in your life first or last one. I’m also will meet other person and keep all my buddy in my heart. I can see what your friend trying 2 say and deliver. U should stop talking about me in front of them if u know their didn’t like u doing that, it’s really ok for me. The day I separated with u I can’t deny that I crying hard and told my other buddy about u as I can. For the first time their heard about that from me and I never call their name just u, I know that I already hurting them who come to me first and I quickly make their understand and I promise 2 bring u 2 them, and I grant it 2 them. Since that day, their just understand everything about our relationship and also advice me about what I doing 2 u before. On that time I was crying again in front of them. I meet variety type of friend and at a same time I always care about ma buddy feeling without thought about other around ma buddy, I really wan protect ma buddy but I can’t now. I really can’t fight about other who come to one of ma buddy first, and ma buddy just could treat them as usually their do 2, please dun hurting them at least their already hurting u first with some nonsense reason. In ma case now, I really dun wan make u look stupid in front other who come first it’s ok if u look at me like that but not ma buddy please…..before maybe I will stand for something like this but now I will not doing that again, just let me be a gud person now. In this case 2, yup I will let u go well and dun look at me with some reason that make me believed everything again. Just go 2 the first person which make u happy and make u life colorful. U has such a nice old story than me….if their say their dun like me just comfort them and forget about me. I believed u can do it, it’s ok for me now.

Since U ma Buddy~~~~

In my life I have 2 thing I really trying to protect until I death. Even I know i not a perfect person to hold the 2 thing but I still hard doing this. Since I’m kind a person really hard to show ma love and care well to other, I just keep it and show it in different way to other. Sometime I’m also look at what kind a person I face and what kind of communication I will use to that person 2. I can’t deny it that everything in ma life is about ma best buddy only, everything I doing and care just them, also when I have big secret I just could share with ma buddy. How bad I am coz couldn’t share everything with ma family member as well as I do it with ma buddy. I dunno how much I hurting ma family just to go to ma buddy and make all ma buddy happy. The moment with ma buddy really a best moment I have, I can share everything with them and all the problem they have 2, I dun care if ma buddy didn’t care or listen to me as well i do to them, as long as I still make them smile. Yup, I scared if one day I lost them and they leave me. Even I scared about that and trying to avoiding that from happened, I really can’t do anything now. Ma buddy is a human so they have a feeling and desired to do anything about their life. I can’t begging or force them just 2 back and looking at me now. Now one by one ma buddy just got happiness from their family. I also see all pic and their mini homepage, just a pic of all ma buddy and their family. On this moment how can I disturb and stop them? Looking at them back to their family, I realized it that I should back to my family 2 right? but since I just comfortable doing anything with ma buddy, it’s become so awkward for me to doing anything like ma buddy doing with their family easily. I dunno how to start talking about anything like I doing to ma buddy. Sometime I have thinking, why ma buddy betray me, before their also say that their have something that their can’t doing with their family comfortably like with me, the day I trying to share that feeling and heard everything with them, just vanish and now just leave me alone here. I know I couldn’t feel bad about that and I believed that everyone have own opinion and own desired to achieved in their life, so I shouldn’t being stupid to feel worse about that. I pray for ma buddy happiness and I also hope I will become easily feel comfortable with ma family one day. I can wish ma buddy happiness, but I know it’s hard for me actually . I dunno while I writing this I dropping ma tears, I dunno ma tears falling for what now. Even how, if I also silent here I really dun wan disturb ma buddy happiness and busy world, and if one day I just listen 2 one person, I didn’t meant to forget or didn’t care all ma buddy, coz once all ma buddy in ma heart it’s really hard for me to erase u all so please dun say that I forget and hate u anymore. Ma buddy, please asking me if u really mad about ma behavior if one day u heard me just say only one name, and that person is not u. if that happened that’s mean the person I only say have a same situation with me or the one I still comfortable to heard and listen their well actually, or maybe that person the one make me feel that I’m not a worse person in this world. About ma buddy I really meant it, in ma friendship I dun have any word to forget or throw ma buddy away easily or maybe trying to betray each of u. Each ma buddy have different personality so I just can follow each of u way and the way I treat u, It’s didn’t meant that I hate or u less person in ma heart. Nothing change when it’s about ma buddy, just the situation of us now. ‘ FRIEND IS MY MELODY IF I LOST U, MY MELODY WILL NOT PERFECT ANYMORE EVEN EVERYONE CAN HEARD THE MELODY BUT JUST ME KNOW THAT MELODY NOT PERFECT ’ *P/s- i hate when i just suddenly crying without reason!!!!!