wings...i need...

what i think right now? what i really wan? that im really happy now?....so many question i wan ask myself now, im wonder, why im like that!!!!!, im smile wen i wan and i keep talking abt anything as i wan, and i feel horrible inside wen everything pass....im really wan cry now, but im dunno, since wen my tears stop from falling again, what i can do now, just let my temper conquer myslf like a crazy, i lost my temper even for a small matters somtimes...dunno which way i should choice now...my heart full with hatred feeling....argggggg!!!! i dunno, dunno...i really think wan to run as far as i can and avoid everyone i knw....
my heaven posmen, that i can return my time?????, i wish to go back the time im at scool will my old friend....ummm..but still have worse memory right??? so better if i can return the time, i wan back to the time i was 7...n i wan fix everything i make mistake n until i can b someone more better than now.....

why i cant fly???? my heaven posmen, tht u have a wing? if ya, can u let me borrow it for a while? or can u bring me? we fly together to the way u wan....hummm...its that ok????

why??? im really far from what i am before? the person who consider abt another person life thn her slf...whr r u?? if im really far from that, i think i can answer it abt im really can b alone one day....

where i am...

to my heaven posmen.....
lately i realize something wrong with me....im like lost something where i can't explain with words...but i know i lost it....why? since when?
yup myb on the time i can find my friend back or myb on the time i can say my friend name bck....yup...im the person who always need waiting for somthing or hoped...why im like ths..i really dunno why....day by day...n when everything come back normal n everything i waiting back...i can take a long breath n smile...but...why...i can't feel something i always feel before..wht i mean..the happiness, the smile,n the sadness...i lil bit confius right now..why????
im just smile when i think the situation wan im smile n laugh n i just can feel sad inside my heart..but my tears stop falling n my heart can't say anything to me anymore..why???

first time i heard abt my friend who i really miss n who i can't find by myslf i feel happy,n my heart can't stop from told me that i shld meet my friend...n i wan hold my friend tightly n i shld never lost my friend again...but after i meet my friend...i dunno why i can't say anything to my friend who i miss alot, i can't say my friend name to...i dunno what i shld do to...im blank....n my friend...non-stop blame on me...my friend told me,that im a bad friend to her,she told me i never try find her n never try contact with her anymore...when i heard everything from her mouth..i blank...my tears...again stop..n my heart again dun told me anything....i can't touch her to...but what i can do on that time...i just can see her face n heard a good news since i can't find her.....after we meet, i ask her phone no,she give me..but what i promise to her,to contact or text her...i can't do it..i dunno why...but what i know on that time..im afraid from heard she call me someone who always forget abt her...im afraid if she get alot hurt from heard my voice n anything i do....im afraid lost her again....until now...i dunno wht i shld do...

and im nearly forget abt someone who im waiting from heard try to talk to me and forget abt afraid feeling towards me...she my friend to....im waiting, n waiting for the day..but i knw nothing will change if i didnt do something...i make all thing whr she shld hate me...but she didnt give any respond to...why?
i dunno why i will sad n cry alone everytime she fall asleep before me...i watch her face secretly n im ask myslf on tht time..why im always be cruel towards her? wht thing i still not satisfyd in her life?...but my answer nothg....yup, i know mylf n her obvsly dffrnt...coz im type person always need someone beside me n we each other give support...the moments like that can make me more comfortable...but i knw her life not like tht...she still think abt another thing in her life...so sometimes i feel like im still alone...n im realized if she with me myb she will get alot scar...im worry....so on tht time i think i shld hate her n make her far from me, n forget everything abt me.....but....i can't do it..n she to....i try to pretend tht im ok..but i knw i can't...until she come to me n forget abt afraid to face me anymore...she try slow talk to me...yup,on the time,i told my heart...'tht i wan u do..but why need take a long time like ths?...but its ok,coz finally u dare to come n face me right..'

but...my heaven posmen, i think i lost my feeling now....i can't feel the feeling on the time i feel hard to face my friend,the moments i smile bcoz of them, n feel sad bcoz we in trouble or anything...why? my tears...really dunno wht kind situation shld it fall...why on the time i heard my friend sad story i can't feel it? n why the feeling to protect each other never exist in my heart now? n why everytime i see all my friend pic i cant smile or cant feel any feeling? even i can talk with her back...why i feel like it just a something normal? n wen i heard the song where i always feel like to cry i can't feel it now even repetly i heard? why everytime i see all my friend i just can follow thy step n wht thy wan? why i easily get temper towards them when i think thy do something not right towards me? coz i knw im not a kind person who easily get temper towards my friend even thy try to betryd me...why? n why i feel like i didnt interested in thy life anymore like wht thy do or who thy meet? n why wen i heard thy talk with another thy own friend i not feel jealous like before? n why i always talk everything just wen all my friend fall asleep...n i always talk with a stuff who can't give any respond towards me??? n wen i have a problem n something i can't settle it,why i just keep silence n pretend like nothing happend?
heaven posmen...where i am???where my soul? wht happend to me??? tht wht i can explain to u now...if u found myslf..can u return it to me?...n if my friend knw abt tht can u explain to them?

my heaven posmen....can u take care of my friend for a while now? n tell me wht i shld do n respond towards thm? i worry if one day i really cant find myslf.....oh ya,can u teach me how to say sorry and thank u agn..humm....n i hope i can hold them back like who i am before...

my heaven posmen...u can heard everything i told u to right?....i hate to wait agn..i hate the words of wait...mianhae...so don't let me wait agn....